So yesterday I woke up worn down and I hadn’t even rolled out of bed for the day yet. I took my oldest to the bus and came home and went right back to bed with my toddler until 11:15. I woke up STILL TIRED but I knew I couldn’t be like this all day. So, I forced my fat self up to do some laundry and fold it. No it did not get put away yet….one step at a time.
Fast forward to after dinner and relaxation, it was time for bed. Put kid number one to bed which is always the easiest because shes a sleeper like me. Then came kid number two….the two year old. I come up from cleaning up dinner to her in bed with my husband giving me the sweetest smile that I instantly shot down and broke the news to her that there was no shot in hell she was sleeping in my bed. I’m 7 months pregnant. I barely can get comfortable with my husband sleeping a foot away from me let alone a toddler with her feet dug in my crotch for warmth. So I grab her and we do our nighttime routine. Hugs, kisses, tucking her and her Doc Mcstuffins doll along with her orange golf ball into bed. Cut to a couple of hours later, or it could have been 20 minutes….I have no concept of time at night. Either way I was in a deep sleep. She wakes up crying. I go in, tuck her back in give the kisses and tell her goodnight. We did this about 3 more times over probably a two-hour span. Finally it was quiet. I crawl back in bed and adjust my 3 pillows and fall asleep.
*Some odd time later* Toddler wakes up screaming her legs hurt. I want to cry getting out of bed I’m so tired and hear my husband say just to bring her in bed, which is not an option. I go in and start rubbing her legs with my eyes closed and hunched over squashing the baking child. And then I start in the most polite, formal prayer I could muster up to let God know I was serious lol. “Please God help relieve Stella’s pain in her legs. Wrap your holy spirit around her to help her relax and fall asleep. Amen”. Silence. She’s asleep. Drag my body back to bed and lay there enjoying the silent night happening. Then I start thanking God for helping her and giving me the rest I need and then all the sudden I hear a whimper and out of no where I stopped and said, “You better get back in there” to God. I went from loving and grateful to “you better grab your child” real quick.
The night went on and she ended up waking up in pain again and at like 4am I brought her in so I could try to get some sleep. Then I woke up feeling guilty for yelling while praying lol. How come I could pull out this awesome prayer when I needed something? Why don’t I wake up every morning and pray like that? Why do I only do the polite prayer when I’m desperate? I’m getting lazy and comfortable and slacking in something that is important. To me at least. I need a strict schedule to get up and do my devotions, not get up and plan out my next nap. I make time for things when its convenient and if that’s my attitude no wonder I feel like God is taking a break from me. Maybe he will only want to be there for me when its convenient for him. Which I mean, have you ever seen Bruce Almighty? Does he ever have free time for convenience?
-the lazy prayer
Faith, Family and the F-word 